Front Porch Blog

The Ballad of Blankey Crackett

Words by P. J. Laska
to the tune of “The Ballad of Davey Crockett”

Born on a mountaintop removed by greed
Sorriest sight in the land of the freed.
Raised in destruction, that’s all he knows.
Tears up the land wherever he goes.
Blankey, Blankey Crackett
King of the Coal Frontier.

Fought single-handed in a coal country war,
Till the Union was busted and the miners made poor.
Got a big promotion for what he done.
Went to Company president from hired gun.
Blankey, Blankey Crackett
Company man of the year.

Throws a big party to help his career
Treats 40,000 people to pop and beer.
He tosses them a crumb, he throws them a bone.
Little do they know it’s only a loan.
(with interest, that is, compounded daily!)
Blankey, Blankey Crackett,
The money man’s peer.

Heard there was some mountains that hadn’t been porked.
Protected by a justice of the Supreme Court.
Blankey went to work, spreading money around.
Bought him a flunky to rule up is down.
(Money talks, buys votes, just run some ads!)
Blankey, Blankey Crackett,
The man for all torts.

It was all for the children, Blankey swore.
You can’t be too careful, there’s predators galore.
Regulate people and leave businesses alone.
That’s how we make the world our home.
(if you live somewhere else, that is!)
Blankey, Blankey Crackett,
A leader in the race for more.

When he built a big sludge dam next to a school,
Some people wondered if he had lost his cool.
Blankey answered back that he was the king
and what mattered to him was to do the right thing!
(for big bucks, that is. if you’re worried about
two billion gallons of toxic waste, move the school!)
Blankey, Blankey Crackett
King of the Coal Frontier.





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